My Cage of Perfection

Perfection...the dreaded word we all hate to hear. We are all verbally boycotting perfection but are we living it? Is it truly something that we believe in or is it just the thing we say? You know those idle words we speak just because it sounds good? I was watching a documentary on the Tony Robbins conference, A Date With Destiny, and in the first 10 minutes of the movie my eyes have been opened in a way in which I never knew they were closed. A lady got up and explained how she wanted ¨love and happiness¨ to have a good life. Of course that´s what we all want but Tony went wayyyyyy deeper. He asked how did she deserve love. She said by giving others happiness. He said what did you feel you had to do for your loved ones to love you? She said become oblivious to their issues and act as if nothing is wrong with anything that they are doing. He then basically said, then THAT is really what you think you need to do to deserve love... Then it came to me. I think I need to be PERFECT to deserve love. Although I would have never admitted it before, because I wouldn´t have identified it as such. But in that moment of watching the mirror being placed in front of the lady, a mirror was placed in front of ME! I saw the perfection I longed to be seen as when I argued with my husband, when I talked with my family and friends, when I interacted with my kiddos. Even with people who aren’t even close to me and/or I JUST met. Silliness y’all. But real. I want to be seen as perfect from everyone and if not, I begin to beat myself up like over and over and over again. I get this ache in my chest that won´t go away and a feeling of self doubt. I should have said this.. I should have done this... Should I talk to them and explain? Am I now OVER explaining? It’s the craziest thing because as much as I deal with it, I’ve never taken the time out to actually DEAL with it. I’ve sustained this habit for so long, although it is harmful to me, that I had created my own cage, my own chains and my own lock... Without realizing that I held the key... Who can stop my perfectionist attitude? Me. Who can turn that ache in my chest to a feeling of relief because my intentions were good, no matter what other people think? Me. The love I have for myself is...ok...but the love God has for me is more than I can even comprehend. Who’s opinion truly matters? His. I can tell He loves me because of the longing He has to be so close to me even though he TRULY knows alll of my many imperfections, But I’m still worth it. I’m still worth the love. I’m still worth EVERYTHING. That is all I need to TRULY believe to live a great life...perfectionist free. Until next time, Adrianne 

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